A long way to go in balancing work and family

This article was first published in the Canberra Times in May 2010

Perhaps naively, I had always thought that balancing work and family life would be most difficult in the early years. As most parents will attest, childcare is expensive and places are hard to come by. Women who return to work after the birth of a child frequently come up against attitudes that they are now slack, unreliable or less ambitious. And then there's all the not-so-subtle comments from colleagues, friends and strangers on the bus that it would all be much simpler if mothers just stayed at home.

But while everyone's attention has been diverted by the important issues of paid paternity leave, additional unpaid parental leave and the right to request part-time hours for parents of child under school age, what happens after this? Leave and entitlements for parents in the early years are critical if we want to keep skilled, experienced mothers and fathers in the workplace, but what about when the kids start school? There would seem to be an assumption in the National Employment Standards that all the issues magically disappear.

On a day-to-day basis, there's the difficulties that arise when the school day is (roughly) two hours shorter than the average working day. Add in commuting time, and you're looking a shortfall of three hours. Yes, some schools run before- or after-school care programs and I have no doubt that they offer a range of fun and educational activities for children. However, what if parents don't feel comfortable with the idea of sending a six year old who is worn out after a long school day to another three hours of care?

Then there's the mismatch between the standard four weeks' annual leave provided by most workplaces and the eleven-plus weeks that school kids get. I have friends who have come up with an arrangement where each parent takes annual leave on alternating school holidays. Essentially, this is workable but it means that they never get to share vacation time together as a family, while still leaving them a couple of weeks short every year.

Last, add in the fact that schools are hotbeds of illness and kids seem to get sick every other week. Most workplaces offer ten days of personal leave to cover the times when you or a family member is sick or requires care. However, most parents will be familiar with the sigh of exasperation when ringing in to request time off because their child has gastro again. You can almost hear the mental note in the boss' head – don't bother hiring a parent next time.

Put it all together and it seems like little wonder that many women don't bother returning to the workplace until their kids reach an age of greater independence. Those that do go back through choice, or because of financial or professional obligation, often find this is a time of considerable stress both at home and at work, and one where their career flat lines.

While there are best practice guides and rhetoric about family-friendly practices aplenty, what we need to see now is all the hot air being transformed into real opportunity. Organisations need to see such measures as a business advantage – a way to attract and retain talented staff, not just something to tide women over through that annoying fertile period of their career. And, most importantly, such opportunities must be made available to parents in all kinds of workplaces, not just reserved for the professionals or the managers.

Employers must be understanding, accommodating and imaginative in how they help parents combine work and family. Perhaps staff could work only in school terms from 10.00 am to 3.00 pm. Maybe they could utilise annual leave days when a child becomes sick or purchase additional leave to cover school holidays. Undoubtedly, workplaces could make more creative use of technology.

Crucially, we need a mindshift away from viewing parents who utilise such measures as being soft or less ambitious. Ask anyone who has ever attempted the near-impossible task of getting their kids out of bed, dressed, fed and to school while also managing to arrive at their own workplace in a semi-respectable state – combining kids and work is anything but slack or unambitious.

Whatever stage of life you are at, combining paid work with child-rearing or the care of another family member is hard. But until we set up the proper arrangements and expectations that acknowledge this reality, mothers and fathers are just going to feel that they are failing at both.